Sunday, August 31, 2008

Jokes

Part 1 - Why Chinese must not have English name??

Anne Chang ( Mandarin ) - Dirty
Anne Chin ( Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen ( Mandarin ) - Dusty
Carl Cheng ( Hokkien ) - Buttock
Monica Cheng ( Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow ( Hokkien ) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin ) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow ( Hokkien ) - Lost till death
Corrine Tai ( Hokkien ) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan ( Mandarin) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan ( Mandarin ) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong ( Mandarin ) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Tng ( Hokkien ) - Leg hair long
Danny See (Hokkien ) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng ( Hokkien ) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai ( Hokkien ) - Nose droppings
Macy Koh ( Cantonese) - Never die before

Part 2 - Explaination

1. Losing all your friends
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him.Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'..... Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'

4. Importance of a period
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?' Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'

5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? 'Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '

6. Anger management?
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?' Wife: 'I clean the toilet.' Husband: 'How does that help?' Wife: 'I use your toothbrush.'

Part 3 - Can't laugh While Learn English (Counting)



Part 4 - Lesson In Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
.........................................................................
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
.........................................................................
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?
.........................................................................
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
.........................................................................
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
.........................................................................
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
.........................................................................
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
.........................................................................
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
.........................................................................
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
.........................................................................
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.
.........................................................................
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
.........................................................................
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
.........................................................................
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
.........................................................................
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
.........................................................................
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
.........................................................................
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
.........................................................................
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
.........................................................................
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
.........................................................................
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.........................................................................
A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

Part 5 - 齐天大胜 宪在不准笑 (09 Dec 2006) - 音樂課 趕羚羊 草枝擺



2 deVince:

Hannah said...

wakakakaka, omg Ricky zowfunneee! :P

Ricky Tan said...

the last one.. if u understand chinese, tat one is the funnest.... and it's hard to translate it...